Belief vs Determination

What happens when you don't have one?

I have a difficult history and I've been terribly hurt by those I trusted most. Believing in myself is not something that's easy to do. Against all the odds I did and pushed myself far beyond my comfort zone only to completely crash and burn. Now picking up the pieces again feels next to impossible. So how do I pursue such a big and unlikely dream without any self belief?

By having a husband who refuses to allow me to give up and teachers who go beyond the 'job' and see potential in me. I think that's key here, I don't need to believe in myself because I trust in their belief in me. As long as they have my back I will use their confidence as my fuel. Yes, putting so much trust in my teachers is terrifying for me and a risk but I choose to open my heart because this means that much to me 😊.

So... how do I practice 8 hours a day 365 days a year and still stay focused, fresh and driven without belief in a successful end? For me the answer is two fold - the first being my passion for music, for learning, for the challenge. And secondly, no matter how hard I am on myself (very or so I'm regularly told) or how overwhelming the journey sometimes appears I do try to focus on the smallest successes. Can I play a little faster, a little more accurate, did it take less time to learn the song, is my technique a little better, am I understanding something quicker. I ask... Is it a little better? Because logic tells me enough 'betters' will get me where I want to go. That's how I do it, push/pull - the drive to always do more pulls me, appreciating the little successes pushes me. Perspective is of vital importance to me. Fortunately both my teachers (or friends & mentors as I think of them) try to understand me and my needs and are wonderfully supportive and (personally) of far more critical importance, they believe in me - I don't really understand why but I am very grateful that they do.

Also there is always hope, hope can be far stronger than belief and I have plenty of hope to help me along the way.

So ideally you'd have both belief and drive but if you don't then trust in those closest to you for belief and work on determination because you can never have enough. The more you have the easier it is to get through the tough times in life and frankly I should know!