New Solo To Work On & Perspective - Finally!

Yesterdays lesson was very cool - when are they ever not haha!  Zak wrote a very impressive little solo for me to learn on the spot - yes I'm in awe and very jealous!  We went over it and he wrote it down and recorded it so now all I have to do is learn it.  I have to say it's a good feeling to be starting to learn stuff like this, it's what I always dreamed of.  I'm not there yet by a long way but I'm at the fringe now and that gives me hope and spurs me on.  I know there will be many stressful days ahead but just knowing that if I stick with it this could be my future is such an inspiration.

See how can you not revere people who bring this much passion and joy into your life whether they meant to or not, whether they fuelled the fire or just ignited it doesn't matter.  If you'd have told me two years ago a 23 and 26 year old would walk into my life and change it forever, that we would become entwined on this amazing journey I wouldn't have believed you and I would have been a little terrified of the idea.  I hope that meeting me and being a part of this has brought something special into their lives too.

I intend to work my butt off on this solo and get it up on Instagram so watch this space.  If I do it will be the first you've seen me play that's really good - that's because I didn't write it haha!  Still me playing it will be very cool.  But we're doing this so I can learn how to really solo well.  Not just noodle away with a few bends thrown in but really think about what I'm playing and then to play NOT thinking and I'm looking forward to it.  It's a case of bringing the things we've been doing recently together.  Using timing, phrasing, rhythmic playing, note choice, tension and repetition amongst many other things.

Can you see why my mind first exploded when I started learning to 'solo'.  I knew about much of this but had no idea how to start with even one of them let alone combine them and in my head that's just too much.  It's also why starting, ebbing even slowly towards this goal is so very important to me.  This is where I get my voice, where my stories start happening, where people start to listen and enjoy my crazy little tales hidden in amongst some 'hopefully' fun music.  I hope.

If you've only been following a while go back to the beginning of this blog and browse a few posts and you'll see how far I've come in just 4 months.  How relentless I am despite my regular breakdowns!!!!  How much I love this and want this.  Now imagine if I can focus, if I can push long enough, if my teachers can keep pulling out the best in me what I might - I won't say can or will - but might do one day.  I'll never be amazing, never achieve fame, never rack up hundreds of thousands of views, never set the world on fire!  This is not about being the best it`s about being me.  Because maybe, just maybe, one day I will leave behind a collection of fun and hopefully innovative music for people to enjoy who find it.  Hopefully there will be a few WOW solos in there, hopefully some with OMG that's a catch melody, a few that touch your soul or make you feel happy & maybe even a few really 'good' songs.  Who knows ... but I might,.... I might!

It's a funny place to be because I'm so SO frustrated at what I can't do, overwhelmed by the incredibly hard journey ahead of me and terrified of all the things I need to learn and overcome.  It's hard for me to look ahead and see 'me' playing and writing like I want, like I just described but then I look at how far I've come, I do the maths and my logical mathematical pattern seeking odd brain tells me that it 'might' just be possible.  In some ways that's actually terrifying because I now know that there is a tiny chance of reaching my dream but I also know what I'm going to have to put myself through to get there & of course that after all that I may fail - again. 

But...!  It's not as gloomy as I make it sound because while yes, this hurts a LOT sometimes, it's definitely overwhelming, confusing, frustrating and sometimes very very lonely - yet every day it brings such incredible joy into my life, remember my post on being 'in love'.  It's like that, every day I feel that overwhelming excitement, that need to play and the sheer pleasure when I do.  The more I can play the more that feeling grows, I don`t know if every musician feels this way but I don`t believe I will ever stop and earning that title for myself is only going to make me love it more.

Yep definitely a good reason then to revere two very special people - even if they weren't so disgracefully talented!