The Other Side Of The Coin

I’ve talked recently about how I’m starting to believe in myself and why. Let’s talk about the other side. Let’s raise a couple of the ugly problems I still have to work around or solve. There are two giant, elephant sized issues I’ll start with.

I’m alone, I don’t mean that as a whinge but it’s a fact that is not going to make any of this easier. Read any of these success stories and you’ll quickly realise the one thing, NONE of those people were alone, they had a lot of support, it’s plays an important role. Hubby obviously supports me emotionally but he has little interest in what I do. My kids are the same. My teachers as you know are supportive and go above and beyond but there’s only so far they can go to help. I have support on Insta but it’s very limited in its benefit. That’s it.

No one to bounce off, spar with, encourage me or drive me. I’m trying to fill as many of those roles as I can myself (coach etc) but ... that’s a poor alternative. You try being your own one person fan club and see how far that gets you!!. But being serious one major problem is that I do not have the opportunity to develop the skill set I need to break out of this isolation and feeding me to the wolves so I can learn to live among them is NOT the answer especially with my health problems. It’s a BIG problem but I think over time there are options.

Problem number two is my confidence and I am working on this. Issue number one isn’t helping in this regard but nor is this helping with issue one (pardon my French but it’s a perfect sh** storm) because this is a far more serious problem. I’m terrified of being confident because a) EVERYONE who ever built me up eventually knocked me down twice as hard, to say I have trust issues is an understatement b) being confident has never resulted in anything good happening to me but it has resulted in a great deal of bad c) my entire back story is awful to hear, it was even worse to live and it’s left it’s mark, a deep one. There’s a good reason I have no confidence but I always have hope, I do believe I can work it out. I am actually a very positive person but I’m a realist too and being blunt, the whole just by “thinking positive” it will all work out thing is total BS in my opinion. Positive thinking plays a key role in success of course it does but when you’ve been through what I have you do not, under ANY circumstances rely on it without merit.

There are many other obstacles that lie before me either long term or short and I’ll work on those too but these two are by far the biggest trials that lie in my immediate future. I just have to take it step by step, problem by problem and where I can’t change something, compensate for it.