The Story Of An Unlikely Dream
To Become A Musician
The Story Of An Unlikely Dream
To Become A Musician
A few (quite a few!!) thoughts today on why I try to keep myself under so much pressure, why it’s a different positive kind of pressure and how by thinking ahead I’m living more in the present. Plus why I’m finally starting to genuinely believe I “might” have what it takes to be what I want to be.
When my guitar teacher first told me he believed in me more than anyone he’d ever taught or been to college with I didn’t understand why. In fact I didn’t for years. Yes I worked hard but I sucked, my progress was slow and it never seemed to be increasing enough that it would ever be enough. I struggled to learn the concepts, I just didn’t see how being passionate would ever make up for all that. He knew I’d never concede but I personally didn’t know if that would ever be enough, I didn’t have his faith in it but I’m finally starting to believe it will. I’m definitely learning faster, solving problems quicker & just beginning to not completely suck (but still in beginner territory really). But what I’m starting to believe in specifically and what he saw all along is that there’s no off switch, there’s no slow setting, no pause, there is no difficulty that will slow or derail my determination. I don’t choose to do this I simply do it because there’s no other option, I want it and I’m going to drive relentlessly ahead until whatever end awaits me. I will never concede yes but it’s also what I do, how I fight, how I keep working the problem and learning each and every time that I am starting to trust. These are the same traits I’m starting to see as a common theme in all these books I’m reading. It’s only one part of the equation but it’s the one we cannot work around - most of the time it manifests via self belief/confidence but in me I think it came as a result of having one hell of a tough life.
I think REAL learning (of this nature anyway) on a long term basis is not for the feint hearted, it requires so much determination, and patience and an ability to live very contently with frustration. It requires a talent for taking constant knocks, picking ourselves up, dusting ourselves off, taking stock, finding new energy and going again.. and again... and again... and again... and again... and....! Every day, the same thing and being able to really embrace that, find pleasure in it. Not just the results, that’s not enough, we have to relish the fight, the growth, the challenge, the excitement of climbing a fresh new ladder each time, the effort itself. We have to be quite mad really!!
Real learning is hard, so hard that few people can do it because there are a million reasons why not to and the “obstacles” can never be overcome only accepted and enjoyed. The end goal is very often just not worth it. But to me it most certainly is and every day it becomes more so. There’s no easy way to achieve 20 years experience without spending anywhere near 20 years doing it but with the right mindset and opportunities (a whole other post!) it most certainly can be done.
That is why my path is one that requires me to live with constant pressure but perhaps counter intuitively I actually thrive under that pressure. With my health issues you’d think that would be bad for me but it’s not actually that pressure that sets off these ‘episodes’ it’s excessive stimulation. It’s the world, it’s other people and my interaction with them that does it. It’s not pressure I need to avoid it’s stress, and this particular pressure doesn’t cause me that kind of stress, I thrive on it. Even when I do feel overwhelmed by a task my “bounce back” time is getting shorter and shorter.
Knocks that would put me out of commission for a week started taking days to recover from, the days and now it’s hours, sometimes it’s almost instant. I get right back on the horse so to speak but with even more determination and less doubt. It’s feeding itself. I’ve described myself as a cross between a weeble & the Energiser bunny in the past and I think that’s about right. I said in a previous post that I consider myself both strong and weak and this is why. I have incredible strength caused by my lifetime of taking knock after knock and picking myself back up to carry on the fight, I’ve been fighting so long I don’t know how to stop any more no matter how hard I’ve been hit I keep on coming back for more and life has taught me that I will eventually win. It’s also taught me to pick my battles carefully because those wins are so often not even close to being worth it. The flip side is I’m also so bruised and cracked and damaged beyond repair for the very same reason. I have an unimaginable amount of fight in me and yet I’m also so brittle I can’t face the world itself any more. Quite the contradiction but if you think about it that’s why this particular life suits me so well!!
Im going to need all that fight for what lies ahead but while yes I am always planning for the future I only do it because it makes the present so much sweeter. I use what I learned in the past to set up my future and give my present perspective so that as I live it I can enjoy it more. I NEVER make the future the goal or the past the focus I only use them so that the present is always better. I’m setting up my future by specifically enjoying my present and I’m doing it even more effectively by learning from my past. In this way they are all connected and I really love this journey, the fight, the challenge, the struggle and of course all the magic that it’s opening up along the way.
Learning Time Log
How long I've been learning as at at the end of Mar 2021.
What's This About?
One fateful day I decided to get guitar lessons. 6 years later I'm learning four instruments and trying to become a musician and songwriter. I set a five year goal (Aug 2021) to create a very special song for my 25th wedding anniversary and this is a record of my crazy journey, weird thoughts, strange doodles and unapologetic music obsession! Enjoy!